


The Most Eligible Bachelor in the World

by Ayutac



Category: Naruto
Genre: Asexual Character, Attempted Seduction, F/M, Large Breasts, Politics, Seduction, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28263063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayutac/pseuds/Ayutac
Summary: Being a war hero and single can have unintended consequences...
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Shizune/Uzumaki Naruto, Tsunade/Uzumaki Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto/Yamanaka Ino
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	The Most Eligible Bachelor in the World

"Hey, aren't you that Naruto Uzumaki?" Naruto looked perplexed at the group of girls who just started talking to him out of nowhere.

"Uhm, yeah, that's me", he answered confused. Was it happening again? Immediately the four girls he didn't knew run up to him. Have they waited for him to get into this back alley? One of them hugged his remaining arm and the other three were pretty close to his face. They giggled.

"I knew it, girls!", one of them proclaimed. "It really is Konoha's saviour after all!" It was happening again. Naruto couldn't help but notice that all of these girls - no, young women - looked rather... nice. Four close female faces smiling at him. He could smell their parfume and feel the breasts of the one hugging his arms. Hence he was fully concentrating to avoid accidentically touching her legs or anything with his hand. Naruto was, so to say, frozen in place.

"Do I... know you?", he asked cautiously. The group of young women giggled again.

"We know you, handsome", one of them said. "You are the war hero that saved the country, no, the world from evil." Naruto looked uncomfortable.

"Well, I was just doing my job", he meekly replied.

"So modest!", one of them exclaimed.

"You must feel his muscles", the arm hugger said. "So manly!" Immediately the three women in front of him started touching his upper body. One hand slipped under his clothes and fingers felt his chest. Naruto gulped.

"I like your skin", the touchy woman said while she looked Naruto in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, but... is this appropiate?", he said a bit helplessly. The women giggled again, then the touchy one withdraw her hand.

"How rude of me", she said. "I guess there is only one way to make it right. You are allowed to touch me there as well."

"... What?" The woman rolled her eyes, while the rest giggled again.

"He really is innocent", one said.

"I meant", the touchy woman said. "You are allowed to touch my breasts." Then she lifted her shirt and Naruto's eyes bulged as her chest was laid bare directly in front of him. "Come on, don't be shy! You will like it for sure!" Naruto's mind was racing and he started sweating. Was it really okay? No one else was in this back alley, and she allowed it, so... He slowly raised his hand and...

"WHAT ARE YOU SLUTS DOING?!" A loud voice rang through the back alley. Immediately the touchy woman put her shirt down and Naruto turned around in shock. Ino and Sakura were standing there! Guiltily he stepped away from the four women who wooed him.

"I didn't..." But Naruto was interrupted.

"We found him first!", one of the women proclaimed, but the others seemed more cautinous. Ino laughed loud.

"Found him first? Girl, you don't know who we are, do you?" In the next moment, she had a kunai in her hand. "We are shinobi. You civilians piss off."

"You can't just-" The young woman didn't finish the sentence as the kunai flew right beside her face.

"Piss. Off." Ino repeated and then the women ran off in a hurry. Meanwhile, Ino and Sakura closed the distance to Naruto.

"Was this really necessary?", Sakura asked Ino, but the blonde girl sighed loudly.

"We can't have these bitches think that there is room to argue with us. If a shinobi tells you to back off, you back off, no questions asked. Take complains to the Hokage."

"I think Kakashi already has enough on his plate", Sakura answered, which caused Ino to shrug.

"Anyway, I can't believe that girl really flashed you right now", she said to Naruto, who immediately became really uncomfortable.

"You saw that?", he asked nervously.

"Dude, I can see when someone is lifting their shirt, even when you block the view of the upper body. Arms exist, you know." Naruto nodded at that.

"How did you get her to do that, anyway?", Sakura asked. She was a bit blushing, but Naruto was too distracted by the awkwardness of the situation to notice.

"I didn't do anything!", he vehemently replied. "They just showed up out of nowhere and... threw themselves at me!"

"Again?", Sakura dubiously asked.

"Again", he confirmed. "Though the... flashing was a first." Sakura shook her head in disbelief.

"They are getting more aggressive", Ino said. "Did she invite you to touch her boobs?" Sakura raised her brows, but Naruto just stared at the street, face reddening. "Did you consider it?" Silence.

"Naruto!", Sakura exclaimed appalled.

"Well, what can I do, when beautiful women keep throwing themselves at me?!", Naruto answered ashamed, still looking at the street. "This is not my fault..."

"You are right", Ino agreed. "But this is getting out of hand. Which is actually why we are here to get you." Naruto looked at Ino incredulously. "Tsunade had a talk with Kakashi about this topic and they agreed that you need some kind of... intervention."

"But I didn't DO anything!", he protested. While Sakura looked doubtful, Ino nodded understandingly.

"We know. Tsunade will explain everything. Let's go."

The two kunoichi brought Naruto to the Hokage's building, into an office where Tsunade, Shizune and, for some reason, Hinata were waiting.

"It has been brought to me attention that you had various... advancements made on you by several women", Tsunade began after the greetings.

"And two men", Shizune added with a slight smile. Naruto shuddered. He didn't need to be reminded of THAT awkward encounter.

"Several people", Tsunade corrected. "And their number is growing by the week, or so I am told. Is that correct?" Naruto nodded. "Do you know WHY?"

"I have absolutely no idea", Naruto admitted, which caused Tsunade to sigh.

"I feared so. Then allow me to explain. You are aware that you are the hero of the Fourth Ninja World War, right?" Naruto nodded. "You managed to defeat Obito, Madara and also Kaguya."

"Only together with all the others", Naruto disagreed. "I couldn't have done it without them!"

"True", Tsunade acknowledged. "However, in the end it was you and Sasuke who got the power from the Sage of Six Path to seal Kaguya again. This extraordinary feat means, besides other things, that you two are the the most famous people alive on this world." Naruto looked dumbfounded.

"I'm famous?" Sakura put her head in her hands as she was nudged by Ino.

"Told you he didn't notice."

"It is true that you were a bit infamous in the village since your escapades as a kid, not to mention many adults knowing about the Ninetailes-"

"Kurama", Naruto interrupted, to the pleasure of the fox.

"Knowing about Kurama", Tsunade continued unfazed. "Then did good work as a shinobi and at least since Pain attacked, everyone in Konoha knows you by name at least. Since the world war, especially because it has been some years, now every person alive knows your name and what you did."

"That is... a lot of people", Naruto admitted which made Hinata chuckle.

"However, fame does not only bring advantages but drawbacks as well. You are... politically important. Your words and actions matter, if someone with connections happens to witness them. Basically I would like you to act with the dignity if you were Hokage already instead of a Jonin."

"So I have to... pretend to be all important now?", Naruto asked incredulously. Tsunade shook her head.

"First off, you already ARE important, as I just said. Secondly, we don't expect you to behave any differently. Basically your status allows you to..." She sighed heavily. "I don't like telling you this, but basically you can do whatever you want. As long as you don't go around threatening people or on a mindless killing spree, no one will stop you. To be more precise, no one can, except for a few individuals usually not at hand or only in exchange for a lot of resources and lives. You are... extremely powerful, Naruto."

"I don't plan to do any of that bad stuff", Naruto clarified vehemently. "I will not abuse my power."

"I know that you don't intend to", Tsunade acknowledged. "However, politics is full of schemes you won't be aware of. You could be used by someone without noticing. To be perfectly honest, you and Sasuke are currently the reason for the world peace."

"But everyone agreed to the treaty we made after the war", Naruto replied confused.

"Yes", Tsunade agreed. "And treaties are broken, as long as there is no power to behold the involved parties to it. Our alliance with Sunagakura for example did only hold in the first because of Gaara's personal connection with you. And the world peace is holding because every party knows if anyone was to break it, Konohagakure would send you and Sasuke out to deal with the trouble makers. For the other nations it is basically a gift that we are not abusing you two to expand our territories."

"But why would anyone want that?", Naruto asked exasperated and Hinata smiled. "We just had this world war, why would anyone want to go to war again? Enough people died already!"

"Because people in places of power are often hungry for more power", Tsunade explained patiently. "In fact, the daimyou himself wanted to use our position of power to extend the borders of our country, but he could be persuaded otherwise."

"The daimyou did...", Sakura asked herself a bit shocked.

"This information is confidential and doesn't leave this room, understood?", Tsunade demanded with a strict voice and got nods all around. "Good. The point is, you and Sasuke are basically pillars of power. What you say is heard, what you do is seen. Not in any way that you could circumvent it, so you don't have to worry about your behaviour too much, don't worry. I'm just saying that just a phrase like 'I heard Uzumaki Naruto say this on this matter' can be enough to sway some people's opinions. In fact, Kakashi told me he said that you and Sasuke would strongly prefer peace to sway the daimyou, and it seemed that worked."

"This is stupid. They shouldn't want peace because I would like it that way, but because it is the right thing to have", Naruto grumbled. Tsunade nodded approvingly.

"Yes, and you don't have to worry about that. As long as you and Sasuke live the peace will hold, at least in my opinion. What we are here for is something else not on this scale, but important none the less. You are an adult now, you know?"

"Since some months ago", Naruto agreed. "What of it?"

"And you are single", Tsunade continued. Naruto blushed a bit.

"I am. So?"

"And you are the most famous person in the world right now", Tsunade reminded him. "That makes you the most eligible bachelor in the world." Naruto looked blankly at Tsunade.

"What?", he finally asked. She sighed again.

"People, well women mostly, want to be together with you."

"Because I'm famous", Naruto repeated.

"And powerful. And good-looking, to be honest."

"That is no reason to want me", Naruto countered. "If someone wants to be with me, they should like me for my personality, shouldn't they?" All women in the room laughed at that, even Hinata. Ino was guffawing.

"Oh my, he is even more naive than I thought!", she finally managed to get out.

"Naruto, I got hundreds of love letters since the war ended", Sakura said. "Not one from a person I think I have ever met."

"People courted me since I was six because I am the successor of the Hyuuga family", Hinata added.

"Not gonna lie, I like how men look after me", Tsunade admitted. "One of the reasons I keep this young appearance."

"What we are trying to say, Naruto", Shizune said after another chuckle, "is that we women are used to be wanted only for our appearances."

"That is a nice way to say that a lot of men have one look at us and just think 'I would like to fuck that.'", Ino explained.

"That's sick!", Naruto exclaimed. "All of this! Stop laughing!" The women stopped themselves.

"It is just the way people are, Naruto", Tsunade clarified. "It's just a bit funny to see a man face the same problems for once. Not all of it is bad. Some is, sure, and as a woman one has to learn early on how to deal with this. Especially as a kunoichi."

"Being taken alive by the enemy usually means rape for us, Naruto", Ino clarified. "We had special classes for kunoichi about that in the academy. Made a whole bunch drop out. The rest... well, we are prepared for the worst, but hope for the best."

"Luckily, such things didn't happen to Konoha kunoichi in the last decade, as far as I am aware", Tsunade added. "Though I sadly know some kunoichi who had to suffer this fate. But let's go back to lighter topics. Yes, Naruto. You are wanted for your looks, power and influence. As you have noticed in recent months I guess." 

"Why only recent months, though?", Naruto grumbled.

"Because Konoha has strict minor policies. We were able to legally stop all unwanted approaches on you. Not so anymore."

"You did... what?", Naruto asked slowly.

"Only after the war", Tsunade reassured him. "And only from people who came to the village after the war. You know the immigration rate has gone through the roof in the post war years. We also got your love letters stached away if you want to read them now."

"So Sakura got her love letters but I did not?", he asked upset. Tsunade nodded. "Why?"

"Because you are way more important and because, frankly, you are male."

"What has that to do with anything?", he asked disgruntled.

"Well... everything", Tsunade answered. "Let me put it this way: Naruto, are you a virgin?" Suddenly the room was completely silent. Naruto blushed and looked around, but Sakura, Hinata and Ino did not meet his eyes.

"Wha-what does it matter, anyway?", he stuttered.

"So that is a yes", Tsunade concluded.

"I didn't say that!", Naruto replied nervously.

"The thing is, Naruto, it is sometimes pretty easy to notice the difference between someone who had sex and someone who is a virgin. Or, to be formally correct, prude", Tsunade explained.

"I'm not a prude", Naruto answered.

"Which only asserts me that you are a virgin, Naruto." Tsunade allowed herself a mischievous grin, while Naruto blushed more.

"Prudes and virgins often happen to make a big deal out of sex", Ino helpfully clarified. "While it is just that: sex." Naruto turned to Ino, which seemed pretty at ease about the topic. Then he noticed that Sakura was relatively stiff and Hinata was additionally just as redfaced as him, if not more. Both wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Wait, that means Sakura and Hinata are virgins, too?", he asked oblivious.

"Don't simply say that!", Sakura chided him, now blushing too, while Ino laughed.

"Told you they make a deal out of it."

"And you had sex", he asked her. Ino snickered.

"Plenty. You interested?" Blushing even more, Naruto turned away to look at Tsunade again.

"Why are we having this conversation again?", he asked helplessly. She smiled at him.

"Women are throwing themselves at you. They want to have sex with you", Tsunade clarified.

"Today the first one flashed him", Ino added.

"Why wouldn't you have sex with them?", Tsunade asked.

"Uhm, because I don't know them?!", Naruto replied.

"And how long do you think this will be enough reason not to have sex with them? What happens when one of them appears naked in front of you? What happens if you come home and find a lesbian orgy in your bedroom? Sure you wouldn't join in?"

"That is... What's with these scenarios?? Something like that doesn't happen! Women are not like that! ... Surely?"

"Most of us are not", Ino acknowledged. "But when you get ALL the women of the world, I can imagine some crazy ones would do that."

"It happened last week to Sasuke", Tsunade said with a neutral tone. Hinata covered her mouth in shock and Ino actually felt down her chair.

"WHAT?", asked Naruto incredulously.

"He has beaten you in that regard. Got about five times the women wooing him and they have taken much more drastic measures", Tsunade explained. "This is why I thought it was time to speak to you about the issue, as I don't think you can withstand the same temptation he did."

"You are telling me Sasuke found a fucking lesbian orgy in his bedroom and DIDN'T join in?", Ino asked as incredulously as Naruto. "So he really is gay?"

"He's asexual", Sakura said with a very unhappy tone.

"He is what?", Naruto asked confused.

"Asexual. That means he doesn't take pleasure from sex", Ino explained. "A shame. But it explains a lot. So you two had a talk?", she asked Sakura.

"Yes", Sakura answered in a tone which made it clear that she wasn't about to elaborate.

"The point is", Tsunade continued, "that Sasuke is an exception. My experience is that usually young, sexually inexperienced men easily become infatuated with any woman that let them fuck her. The goal of this conversation is basically to avoid you becoming infatuated with any woman of questionable loyalty."

"What?" Naruto continued to be confused. Tsunade sighed.

"You are an important, powerful, yet sexually inexperienced person. We don't want you to develop feelings for just any woman you encounter that happens to seduce you. We, that is, Kakashi and me, want to make sure you get sexual experience so you don't fall into the honeypot trap. Ideally, we want to marry you off within Konoha. So far, only civilians tried to seduce you, but it is only a matter of time until agents of other countries try their luck."

"You... want me to have sex", Naruto repeated dumbfounded.

"Yes, I want you to have sex", Tsunade confirmed a bit annoyed. "Glad you figured that out."

"With whom?"

"Any volunteer that is screened by us, to be honest", Tsunade said. "As I explained earlier, we don't really have the power to tell you to do anything, so please just consider it."

"You would get a volunteer for my first time?", Naruto asked unbelieving.

"No, we would get volunteers for any time you want to have sex, Naruto." Tsunade sighed. "How much more explicit do you want me to be?" Naruto put his head in his hands.

"This must be a dream."

"It is not", Tsunade assured him. He looked up again.

"I mean, who would even volunteer for that?", Naruto asked.

"I OFFER MY BODY TO NARUTO!", Hinata suddenly yelled and then turned away from Naruto.

"I wouldn't mind", Ino said with a grin. Then Naruto looked at Sakura.

"What? No, you pervert!", she said. "I'm here as your friend, because this is important. That does not mean I will share a bed with you!"

"Ah, so cute", Ino teased her.

"I volunteer as well", Shizune said with a smile. "You a kind person, I imagine sex with you to be rather pleasant."

"And I volunteer", Tsunade added. "If you are so inclined."

"Ewwwww, granny, that is gross!", Naruto replied, which made Tsunade twitch.

"I thought I told you not to call me granny, Naruto", she said angered.

"But you are like... how many times my age now?" Tsunade stood up.

"Listen here, BOY. There is nothing wrong with older age. If anything, it means I am the most experienced in this room and could bring you the greatest pleasures."

"But you are..." Naruto stopped as Tsunade went around the desk, positioned herself in front of his chair and bent over until her face was on the same level as his. He was just a slightly bit intimidated.

"Naruto...", she said.

"Yes?"

"You are looking at my cleavage right now." Immediately his eyes darted up to meet hers. "Are you seriously telling me you never once imagined what my breasts looked like? Never once imagined how it would feel to touch them?"

"Oh shit!", Ino exclaimed with a gleam in her eyes.

"Well, I..." Naruto searched for words.

"Never, ever?" Tsunade pressed him.

"Well, maybe once or twice?", he meekly admitted. She smiled. "Good boy. Stay honest. Do you want to touch them now?" Naruto gulped.

"Ye-yes?"

"Then why don't you?" Tsunade slightly wiggled her upper body and her breasts wiggled with her. Naruto slowly raised his hand.

"And this is really okay?", he asked. Tsunade sighed.

"Do you need a written invitation?" Given this question, Naruto finally touched Tsunade's breast. He flinched, as he expected to be hit, but nothing of the sort happened. So he opened his eyes and saw Tsunade still grinning at him. "So how is it?"

"Soft", he acknowledged, as he cautiously caressed the side of her breast. Then he draw his hand back. "So you are all serious about volunteering?", he asked.

"We are", Ino said.

"Then can I just... have sex with all of you?"

And so it began.

**Author's Note:**

> Even given the last line, this is a one shot. Don't get your hopes up.


End file.
